Chin up—A message to all Single and Solo Wedding Guests!

Weddings are beautiful, magical, emotional. I enjoy watching the dreams of various friends come true as they marry. I happily celebrate alongside them and all their family and friends. But, at the same time, weddings make me sad. This may sound selfish, but I just can’t help it.

I attended an elegant Catholic wedding on Saturday and I loved seeing my friends so happy and in love. I was happy too—but that happiness was tinged with a sour feeling of sorrow. I know I’m not the only single girl out there who feels this way when she goes to a wedding. I know of girls who absolutely hate to attend weddings and usually refuse to go because of such feelings.

I watch my girlfriends get married to amazing guys who love them dearly. And then I wonder, where’s my wonderful guy? Will I ever find him? Does he even exist? I’m a good person. Generous. Caring. But the only relationship I have ever known is one of  control and blackmail. I spent a number of years of my life with this person. And I have been free for 2 years now.

Why was I with this person for so long you ask? I honestly cannot explain it except to say that I lost myself and I didn’t know how to get away. I was afraid. Talking with a therapist helped me to rediscover my own independence and desires. I also created a motto for myself. This may seem silly, I know. But I came up with 3 simple words that I lived by, that I clung to so that I wouldn’t forget my goal of getting away—of finding joy again. “Freedom, Spirit and Joy.”

For a long time I played with the idea of tattooing those words on my wrist or my hip just so I would remember them. Those thoughts were during the dark days. I believed that the pain of getting a tattoo would etch those words into my memory for all time. Finally, I did get away (sans tattooing) and I have recovered my former self.

When I tell people this story, they look at me with surprise and say they did not expect someone like me could be in such a situation because I seem like a strong and independent person—which is how my mother raised me. But somehow, it happened anyway.

Despite everything, I still want to find my soul mate. I still believe in the idea of a soul mate. Sometimes I wonder if I want too much, if someone could actually be all of the things I wish for—or if all of these things were too much for one person to embody. I sometimes ponder settling.

Once, I thought I met the perfect person. Things didn’t work out. But meeting him at least encourages me to hope that there is someone out there who is everything I hope for and more.

Wedding season is hard for any single girl to get through, especially if you have to go to all the weddings alone and don’t really know the other guests. But don’t let that get you down. The husbands that my girlfriends have all found fulfill all of their dreams and desires in a partner. And that thought gives me hope. Some days it’s hard, but I still believe that the perfect person is out there for all of us. And no matter how many weddings I sit through alone, I will not yield to anything less than the best and neither should you.

9 thoughts on “Chin up—A message to all Single and Solo Wedding Guests!

  1. I haven’t experienced attending a wedding while single – granted, I have only attended two – and I am the first of my friends to get married so I can’t quite relate to that situation. Reading the sixth and seventh paragraph of your entry, however, made me double check whether I was reading one of my own entries. It was the seventh paragraph that pushed me to write to you because that was exactly how I felt post the five-year wreck of a relationship I was in and prior to meeting my fiancé, who is, without a doubt, my soulmate. I thought, the ex already took enough life away from me. He wasn’t about to take my hope and my belief in true love away either.

    Don’t ever settle. You would be doing yourself a great disservice.

    Best wishes, stranger! 😉

    1. Thanks for the kind words, Leslyn! And congrats on finding your soulmate, you are so lucky. Good luck to you! 🙂

  2. Im just out of a similar relationship…to say im out is to say ive walked away but I love this person as much as I hate them ..I know hes not good for me. I know he has issues that go way beyond my ability to help and I know he has held me back since i met him 3 years ago. But letting go is easier said than done …hopefully this time Il find the strength to be completely happy without him

    1. I know you can do it! It’ll be hard. But you have taken the first and most important step, you walked away. I am proud of you and I know you have the strength to stick to it. Good luck!

  3. While I didn’t go through the pain of an abusive relationship, I have been to many weddings as the token single girl. AND I was the single girl until 34, almost 35. Keep hope, he’s out there for you!

  4. My motto is “Fight back and move forward.” I got “Fight Back” on my right wrist in the beginning of my senior year of high school, and “Move Forward” on my left wrist three weeks before I graduated. They’re worth every second of pain (which wasn’t too bad, really).
    I like your motto, it makes me think of butterflies and fields of flowers. I think you’ll end up with someone lovely and amazing one day. (=

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