Seriously, who writes this stuff?

Found on Google images.

Supposedly the people in the ad and pr worlds are educated and taught to write. But sometimes they really miss their mark so I start to question the validity of this assumption. Nevertheless, their mistakes mean that people like you and me get to laugh our butts off at what can only be described as pure awesome ridiculousness!

Although I have DVR and don’t typically sit through commercials, sometimes I am watching live TV and catch a few now and again. Picking out hilarious, weird and ambiguous writing is one of my favorite activities. Here are a few examples.

I absolutely love medical industry commercials. They’re just the best. My issue with this commercial has to do with the happy little song that is the slogan for the Midwest Hemorrhoid Treatment Center. If you live in the Kansas City area, I guarantee you know this song. This particular commercial is from 2008 according to YouTube. But they still use that same song today.

The writers did their job because this slogan is definitely memorable. I just keep thinking about the poor dude hired to sing it! How did he do it with a straight face? Seriously!? I crack up every time I see this commercial.

I have a love/hate relationship with this commercial. I love it for its stupidity and its misogyny. I hate it for both of the same reasons.

First of all, I’m not sure who approved this one, but it was probably some white-haired antiquated jerk. I get that it’s difficult to market “diet” drinks to men because men often associate this term with “women.” But you don’t have to insult women to do it. The line, “So you can keep your romantic comedies and girly drinks” is completely stereotypical and not in the least bit creative.

What do I love about this commercial? I love that when the men are riding in the Humvee, the bumps in the road make him spill the drink he is pouring. It adds to the crass nature of this commercial. He’s spouting misogynistic crap, but he can’t even manage to pour a drink into a glass.

I know plenty of men who like “girly drinks.” And frankly, I’ll have you know that my very masculine father drinks Diet Coke ® on a very regular basis. So…go figure.

Ok I favor Claire McCaskill, but this commercial just had to be included. I don’t typically choose to share my political leanings, but this one just goes to show you that bad writing is not reserved for products alone. This commercial came on one day about a week or two before the election. I was watching college football at my parents’ house. All three of us cracked up for about 10 minutes.

If you’re going to have to watch thousands of mind-numbing political commercials in an election year, this is the one I want to watch. The guy doing the voice-over is so serious and then he hits you with that whopper of a line. “Corrupt Claire. The moment her hand came off the Bible it went into our pockets.” I could watch it over and over and it would never get old.

Even my dad was cracking up; and he’s a Republican.

Last, but not least, I give you my favorite commercial of all time. Unfortunately I will have to just describe it to you. I couldn’t find a link anywhere on the Internet that had this one. It was for Crestor ©, one of those cholesterol-lowering drugs. This line will crack me up until the day I die.

The commercial starts out with the spokesperson giving the viewer a very serious look. I can’t even remember if it was a man or a woman. Anyway, the person says “While I was busy building my life, plaque was busy building in my arteries.”

I can’t even remember the rest of the commercial because every time it came on, I lost my ability to focus on anything other than trying to catch my breath from laughing hysterically.

This has to be the WORST introduction or segue in the history of commercials.  This post would be 10x better if I could have found it so you could enjoy. I will keep searching. Or if anyone out there comes across, it let me know!

In a world where we have the luxury of DVR, we have the option to miss all those annoying commercials that finagle their way into our program viewing. But sometimes those same commercials are worth watching. I’ll be sure to keep my ears open and share more funny lines with you in the future.

That is all.